6 hours ago
How will The Real Housewives of New York City navigate this week’s episode when Heather arrives to be the whipping girl of Season 13? Heather better have brought her body armor to ward off the attacks that are coming her way. Gird your loins and let’s watch!
Yikes! We are back to Sonja shrieking nonsensical gibberish about freaking JP Morgan. Sonja wants to berate Ramona, who she feels has deserted her for fake a*s friends. She even throws in for good measure that Ramona doesn’t even have Mario anymore. Sonja really needs serious help right now, and it is really messed up to watch her lose her sh*t. Ramona wants her to recognize that the Morgans don’t support her. Sonja, who is delusional in her alcoholic haze, thinks that she has a solid financial future?
Eboni recognizes that Sonja is married to her story. She succinctly has read the room and Sonja and has made an accurate assessment of the situation.
Luann gets triggered by these alcoholic outbursts and it brings her to tears. She decides to head out to the car and text Garth on the sly so she can schedule a midnight rendezvous and be pillaged by her Viking lover.
Ramona apologizes to Sonja basically to placate her and get her to leave the restaurant, where her behavior is frankly mortifying. Sonja says, “I hate you” to Ramona as they exit the restaurant. She really means to say that she hates the person that she has become, and she can’t dig herself out of the moldy hole that she has put herself in.
Leah calls her sister, Sarah, whose mere presence is beyond annoying. They discuss their grandma and how their mom is really stressed out over what is transpiring. Leah is trying to not be a little b*tch for once, and she wants to do the right thing for her family.
Eboni is talking to her mom, Gloria, about her grandma. Her grandma is on a feeding tube and she wants Eboni to make the decision to remove the tube. Gloria wants to punt the ball and Eboni doesn’t want to accept the ball to make this tough decision about Grandma.
Ramona chats with Sonja about how she overreacted about the whole Wells Fargo issue. Sonja thinks that her daughter’s future will be affected if people don’t finance their loans through Chase. She doesn’t want to be alone and she is insanely jealous over Luann having Garth. Sonja is seeing everyone having their own life and she feels left out.
Ramona hugs Sonja, who appears to have wet her pants, and tries to comfort her. It looks like she needs some of Lisa Rinna’s spare Depends. Sonja’s family has moved to Tennessee and she feels isolated. She is taking stock of her life and wishes she had got more stock options from Chase when she got divorced. It is almost like Sonja’s ship has sailed and she missed the last call to board.
Ramona has planned a “Breakfast at Tiffany’s” themed event for the ladies, which she hopes will be elegant. Leah walks in on Ramona and Luann’s conversation and Ramona shoos her away. She asks Michelle how she works for Ramona, who is a dumb bi*ch. Michelle, who is a pro, tells her that she loves her so she can disengage with this lunatic. She has enough on her plate pleasing Ramona for goodness sake.
Leah is annoyed now that Ramona is being nice to Eboni and she was ignored. She is on a mission to stir up sh*t this morning and is looking for trouble.
Garth arrives to train this bunch of trainwrecks. He doesn’t know what he is walking into. Would someone please open the darn door for him? Luann introduces Sonja to Garth. Sonja is flashing Garth while standing on the landing. She hopes by showing him her goods she can steal him away from Lu.
Luann and Ramona try to dissect Leah and her outbursts. She thinks that Leah misses social cues. Leah, who is walking around with her eye patches, is stomping her feet and acting like a surly teenager. She suffers from a severe case of arrested development.
Eboni is going to pass on the workout. She would rather take some time away from this group and recharge her batteries. Eboni takes her glam game very seriously so she will fit in well with this high-maintenance group.
Sonja is trying to work out those toxins that she has built up. It cracks me up to see how uncoordinated this group is — except Luann, who looks phenomenal. Ramona is using her exercise ball to get rid of her frustrations over Leah. Luann just wants to throw Garth down and shuck him. She is like a schoolgirl crushing on the popular quarterback.
Leah tells Eboni while they are getting their glam on that she is taking a vow of silence. I shout out a big AMEN! Ramona better not apologize because I want Leah to keep her big flapper shut.
Ramona thinks that Leah has laryngitis or some other ridiculous pronunciation. Eboni is going to translate Leah’s cues, so she has found a way to still be heard.
In the van, Sonja tells Eboni that Luann married her “bald guy.” Luann gets peeved since Tom was never her guy. She thinks that Sonja’s brain is so small and isn’t able to retain details from her past. It is really pickled with booze and has put Sonja in a glorious haze where she is still yachting around the world with John-John. I doubt she remembers he is no longer with us.
Eboni decides to interject with what she perceives as the truth. She thinks that calling Sonja a one-night stand kind of girl is demeaning. Eboni thinks she is really vulnerable and needs support, not judgment.
Eboni just can’t fathom how this group recovers from their blowups. She would hold on to stuff a lot longer than this rowdy group. Eboni will learn quickly that is how this group functions every season, rinse and repeat.
Leah, who has to make everything about herself, is trying to mime what she wants to say. She is horrible doing it and she just wants to show she has some decorum by saying thank you to the driver.
The ladies decide to learn how to shuck oysters from some nice gentlemen who have tremendous patience. Ramona — and her love for oysters — is featured in the production clips. She wants to forget they are so ugly before they were shucked. Luann thinks that Sonja and Ramona have something in common with the oysters; they are attached and crusty. LOL.
Leah decides to torment us with everything she has been holding in for three hours. She claims her angst comes from the potential loss of her grandma. Leah is now setting the scene for the ambush she has planned for Heather. She decides to even suggest that Heather might come for Eboni too. Come on now — you are grasping.
The ladies decide to relegate Heather to the lower level. I would actually feel safer if I could escape there too. They make it seem like it is being sent to the bowels of hell getting sent down there. I can’t believe production pushed Heather arriving till almost the end of the episode.
Heather “HOLLA” Thomson arrives and Sonja greets her. She wants Sonja to help her with her updo. Sonja doesn’t want to cater to her right now since she is dissing her on her podcast. Heather recognizes she is being sent to the dungeon. She doesn’t know yet that she has an appointment with Leah for her flogging later.
Eboni greets Heather warmly and is trying to give her a chance. She can appreciate how Heather asks questions about her to get to know her. Luann decides to gaslight Leah by asking about HER podcast. Leah pretends like she is tired of talking and doesn’t want to force people to listen to her senseless drivel.
Ramona is taste-testing the shots that Eli has poured. She wants him to put out a minimum quantity so that the non-drinkers don’t have temptation. Ramona cracks me up — she is saving the good stuff for herself.
Ramona’s table looks beautiful, but I am sure Michelle did it and she is taking credit for it. Heather discusses how she interviews interesting people. She owns what she said about Luann on her podcast. Leah is really coming for Heather and her production agenda is clear. I have come to the realization that I would rather Bravo kept Dorinda instead of Leah. #impossiblechoices
Heather now recognizes that she is being ambushed in the lion’s den. She clarifies how the conversation played out and she had Carol on the podcast. Luann wants to dismiss this since Princess Carol is involved. Heather owns that she said that Luann isn’t genuine. She thought they had a surface relationship, and that is some truth there.
Eboni would like to jump in and offer Heather legal advice. She would advise her to accept responsibility and not engage with this pack of mean girls. Eboni can clearly spot the set-up and wants to pull Heather’s sidebar to find out if she signed up for this crap.
Luann is having male models come over the next day so they can paint them. Leah would rather have a “shower than a grower.” She then makes a comment about how she doesn’t like it if a guy’s balls are bigger than his d*ck. Leah thinks if a man doesn’t eat your a*s then he isn’t a real man. She loves to shout out raunchy stuff to get a reaction from the group. Ramona is clutching her pearls hearing this conversation, and she finds Leah really gauche and not very ladylike for her event.
Next week, we are painting for thrills. Eboni and Luann disagree over who is more educated. Well, I guess this season is getting started now. I hope everyone is having a fabulous week, and see you tonight for Jersey!
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